What is a rip: “A rip current, commonly referred to simply as a rip, or by the misnomer “rip tide”, is a water current that can be found near beaches. It is strong, localized and is strongest near the surface of the water, and it moves directly away from the shore, cutting through the lines of breaking waves.
The location of rip currents can be unpredictable: while some tend to recur always in the same place, others can appear and disappear suddenly at various locations near the beach.” From Wikipedia
I was looking for an analogy of how it is like to live with the sudden, unpredictable, immense highs of mood of mania..and then: the swift, crashing lows..
The aftermath of being swept away ashore like driftwood.
OR, if one fails to survive:Drowning, drowning, drown. suffocating, swallowed up by the violence of the waves.. swallowing the rushing emotions like water being pushed down every orifice.
The cycles of mania are relentless like the waves. You know it is just a matter of time till they come again. Although I like to lie to myself during a peaceul lull, when all seems well, that maybe I am normal too?
If only I could be like that.
I had recently wanted to believe there was a natural recovery process, after getting a little better. But I realised that the symptoms do not fully go away even with full compliance to medication. The waves always return. It is my coping that must improve to prevent myself from drowning.
I can only learn to reduce the impact of the paranoid thoughts on my mood, and manage my highs.
Having a strong internal Locus of control is so important. I realised I am responsible to control and cope with the impulsivity i feel to do crazy shit during those high moments. I cannot blame my illness for making me like this.
As Joshua 1:9 says:
So, I chose the title for this little blog, “swimmingtherip”, cos I want to encourage myself to “just keep swimming” like Nemo’ s dad’s slightly demented fish friend Dory.. haha she is cute. But she is silly. Well so am I..
Anyway, hopefully, maybe, Godwilling, I’ll get through this journey somehow?