World: Angelina Jolie files for divorce

I thought that was more, “Life”?

 

 

 

 

Well since this is a blog… Here are some thoughts about this:

When I ask my friends if they read the papers, Many say they get their news from social media or apps. (CNA etc.) But i was just wondering, is “news” (if there was an unadulterated thing as such in the first place) becoming (MOre like) social media. Not that that’s bad… many pros, cons, as in all things.

I guess as one gets older one just gets nostalgic, imagining that things were better before:

[Travel, accept certain inalienable truths]…

..Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old
And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders

Respect your elders, don’t expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse
But you’ll never know when either one will run out

This civilisation is definitely going to end in an August, soon, and in the most phenomenonally bad way.
If globalisation has such an inhumane effect on international integrity, the current global culture… its gonna be the crusades and Genghis Khan again, but with technological/chemical consequences. I wish modernity would stop. I know this is all the engatives, but the positive efforts are so small that they would never be able to come close to even plastering our human destruction.
(I really don’t specifically know history…) but i do know that mankind has been “sick” since the beginning. (e.g. pederasty)
From the lazy student’s guide, Wikipedia:
“The ancient Greeks did not conceive of sexual orientation as a social identifier as modern Western societies have done. Greek society did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants, but rather by the role that each participant played in the sex act, that of active penetrator or passive penetrate. This active/passive polarization corresponded with dominant and submissive social roles: the active (penetrative) role was associated with masculinity, higher social status, and adulthood, while the passive role was associated with femininity, lower social status, and youth.”
What is morality anyway? What is wrong with rejecting “The Other” (as manifested in nationalism/white man’s burden/Nazis?…Islamophobia, Hating Evangelicals)
  1. it could be a manifestation of identification / autonomising /strengthening self (indiv/a collective group)
    1. Without the formative identification of “the other”, we would not be functional? judgement(criticalness) pulled to an extreme is perceiving, and perhaps evolutionarily it was to perceive and identify threats. —> is the other my mother (love attachment) or a bad man who is going to distract you and take your pencilbox.
    2. an indicator of seeing things in a way, the same way pain is an indicator/warning of something needs to be done to protect the self.
  2. it could also just be maladapative coping with fears, needs (jobs/security)

 

OKAY time to sleep. black and white, which leads to making too many connections(jumping into conlcusions/assumptions)

Please let me sleep God.

You are not your illness//The illness is ALL YOU

Don’t take the easy surrender when you face “symptoms” or triggers, especially after they or “Illness” has been identified in you.

“You are not your Illness”

Knowing what your “diagnosis” is, is useful in understanding the traits in your character and mood patterns that result in difficulties. However, being diagnosed should not aid you in giving you an easier time than “normal” folks.

Many advocates thus tell you: “you are not your illness”.

Actually, it is pressing to know that:

The “illness is ALL YOU” (even though you are NOT your illness).

What I mean is that you, are a unique Human being. You are a person, a person with a personality. These characteristics, including your traits and moderation of mood, when permutated with certain circumstances, reflect traits of what doctors, psychologists and researchers have identified and studied to enshrine as “Mental Illness”. This has occurred over the history of the development of modern medical and behavioural science.

But a diagnosis is useless – and in fact, can be very harmful as it connotes an identifier or label. Diagnosis feeds disorder and dysfunction by exacerbating the initial difficulty that an individual experiences into disempowerment in the traditional medical setting and within the current medical model. The individual perceives him or herself as having a disease or even as being disabled. I am not “normal”. This cycle is enforced when he or she is not treated “normal” if this information is disclosed to others.

What then can someone do if they are identified as mentally ill?

I would want to know what the traits of my diagnosis and symptoms are supposed to be, to see if they are consistent with the patterns in my behaviour that play out from my personality repertoire in certain circumstances. I need to own the characteristic traits that are correlated to my challenges. Not accepting the identifier of illness, but being aware of the things and areas that set me off allows me to start to make active change. This empowers me to own who I am. I am self-aware. I am proactive.

Beyond that, I also want to be a contributing participant of the bigger community around me. So often, psychology, especially the therapy approaches used, bring us inward. We reflect on our lives, our past relationships, early development. (What went wrong?) It is not wrong to be kind to, respect and explore oneself – However, outside of ourselves is a community and a world of both opportunity and yet a world that is for the most part perishing, (if you hadn’t noticed). People who are diagnosed with mental illness often are shelled up within their peer groups. The fear of stigma or feelings of inadequacy cause us to shy away from society. However, this avoidance only breeds ignorance and misunderstanding.

I am not asking anyone to heal the world. However, to break the suffocating stigma around mental illness, more people have to step out into the small domains around them, and work towards becoming who they want to be. But first, one must recognise that what has been happening is in part, a part of us that is under our control. Only then can we build on our strengths and create a life with vision and purpose.

Let’s leave this wretched self-imposed cage behind, shall we?

This is going to be bad

because

-i havent slept

-i have been sleeping between 4-5 am the past few days while going for CNY reunion/visiting

e.g.the day before, i came back after dinner (i don’t have mental capacity to remember where now), but it was about 10 plus and started cleaning the kitchen and dining rooms. I folded at least 1000 plastic bags and catergorised them into small/medium and large and also created a proper recycling area, took the big bag A3 size bag of koped coffee/tea/ketchup/chilli/wasabi/soy sauce/unwantedinstantnoodles/creamer/sugar(all dumped-into that bag) took out one by one, checked expiry dates to chuck and labelled and categorised each item again. then i swept floor, wiped table and if u have come to my house u know how messy our tables are, i cleared them all and wiped and scrubbed off stains and then mopped floor twice but still a bit sticky so tried hand wiping and scrubbing floor but then it was 430am and my mom woke up and said “aiyo, darling, no need la, u need to sleep.”

two days before i did the same for the backyard.am i going crazy?

HELP.

And yesterday night i worked out for about 45 minutes, did 25 minutes on the elliptical machine and 20 mins of youtube burn 200 kcal in 20 mins. (magical socks!) cos know will eat a lot.

then fell asleep on the couch at about 1230am and woke up at 4+5 am. fuck la.

WHAY AM I DOING THIS AGAGIN?????????????

I HAVE CROSSED OVER,

into,

THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

A Beautiful Start to a Day…..

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Under the bridge

A beautiful morning it was. I was headed out early to buy breakfast/lunch for my parents and myself. Managed to catch the sunlight while crossing Under the Adam Flyover to Adam Road Hawker Centre, while this young family was probably heading to school and work..

I was waiting for the famous nasi lemak stall to open since I was early.. I was there at 7:30am? 7:40? So I was just watching the scene there. Even at the Hawker Centre they had made an effort to decorate for Chinese new year.. I was taking a picture of the Ong Lai or pineapples and the Shiny stuff hanging around when my screen caught this uncle clearing up.

Singapore is prided to be a clean city.. But after the Trash souvenirs left at 2015’s Laneway Festival, which even PM Lee felt ‘incensed’ about, comparing that to Myannmar soccer fans picking up litter after a game at the National Stadium… Singapore, he said, needed to move from being a “cleaned city”, to a “clean city”.

image
Singapore - Clean-ed City

Who do u expect to pick up after you? This man? At food courts, Hawker Centres or is Ronald McDonald gonna clear your tray? Why have Singaporeans come to expect that our dirty dishes will be taken away for us and worse still…those tables with used cutlery, which we want to sit at, we not only don’t clear – but simply transfer to an adjacent table, so that we can have a clean table in front of us!

Do we really need an ineffective government campaign to pursue a sense of responsibility? Is it not as logical as wiping one’s own ar$e after a poop? Sorry for the rant… It started out a beautiful day….but some one forgot to clear their tray!

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Is he gonna clean up? 😛

“Domains of Happyness”

 

I am studying a Bachelor’s of Arts in Psychology at Uni now, and in what is the most interesting subject so far, Social Bases of Behaviour: Social Psychology, we just started the term learning about how we think about ourselves and others (“social cognition”).

This example was given: – There are 2 men, both married. One man had dropped out of middle school, and is working hard as a brick layer to support himself and his wife.

The other man had graduated from high school and started a fairly successful business. Not super successful but, making enough profit for his family: himself, his wife and 2 children.

Being his own boss also affords him flexible hours and free time which he spends as a Grassroots Volunteer for the Local Council. He also sings in the church choir every Sunday.

Suddenly, BOTH men’s wives decide to leave them out of the blue. Which man will be more affected?

OK, So one may say that it depends on the quality of the relationship the man has with his wife. However, that is also a different variable altogether that is coming into play. What about if one were to be philosophical about the whole idea? Won’t both men be equally upset, if not, wouldn’t it be impossible to determine whom would be more upset, as all individuals differ in temperament?!?! If this were so, I cannot answer the question, as everything, after all, is subjective and THERE ARE NO ANSWERS…zzz..

BUT thinking in terms of a variable that we CAN work on, the man who runs his own business would likely be better off, while the man who lays bricks would probably be devastated by his wife’s leaving.

This is due to the number of Domains of Self each man has.

The man who lays bricks has only the domains of his job and his wife in his life. Whereas the businessman has many more Domains of Self. Apart from his job and his wife, he also has his 2 children, his work at the Local Council, and his role in the church choir on Sundays. He has a rich life, therefore achievement or failure in one domain doesn’t have such a big impact on his overall life, especially his sense of self.

2012-10-06 13.17.50.jpg
Me, with two other VSOP (Very Special Outstanding Performers) choir mates backstage at World Mental Health Day (2012), held at School Of The Arts

I was thinking about this story and a light bulb turned on in my head. OH! This is probably another good reason why my Dr. signed me up to join the hospital choir, which even led to my short solo on World Mental Health Day 2012 at SOTA. The benefits of building more Domains of Self which include improving one’s sense of self and confidence -as well as acting as a buffer against challenges; are why he kept encouraging me to be more active and pick up hobbies, join short courses, enjoy nature and at the same time exercise (yes, we all know the well-documented benefits of exercise).

I mean it seems obvious, but most of us don’t have the leisure (or motivation) to do so.

Okay, so when I was first seeing my Dr. I was just out of the ward and unemployed, looking for a job and also not studying as I am now.. so I had all the time in the world – but you’d be surprised what one can do when you can do everything and anything you want.

Digressing a little, though somewhat relevant…

I knew a group of young people with mental illness, who are not really super unwell, and had all the time in the world.. but they gave up trying to find jobs. They did not lose their jobs because of paranoia or depression – they lost them because of a lack of self-esteem, and a lack of belief in their own ability to perform the task: Thus they failed to learn to do their work. (So they lost their jobs, or quit job after job within a week)

I knew them well, they spent most of their time hanging around town like teenagers, smoking and watching the world go by. The gave up on fighting to live altogether. I am not saying they are at fault, or putting them down, that they are less important or inferior human beings, but I would just like to highlight some common patterns that are quite self-defeatist.

They got into relationships with each other, and the relationships failed, their world would disintegrate. They would attempt suicide and/or be warded.

Why? The only domain in their life was the other person.

Quote - Unstoppable

My Dr. is super perceptive about constructing the foundation for Happyness – Creating more Domains in life. I will definitely strive to Diversify! and build Domains in areas I am Passionate about and try to maintain them.

I have a friend who is trying to eliminate all the things in his life he deems as unnecessary to keep in line with a “Minimalist” Ideal. Well, I hope he reads this one day.

Actually all I wanted to say in the above 800+ words is summed up as the saying goes, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” 😀

One Art

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

– Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

 

Elizabeth Bishop
Ahhh..still one of my top pop favourites 😉

the age of pop culture

When should one stop following “trying to keep up with the times”?? Some people manage to avoid it altogether. But for most of us, at least for my generation, it began in adolescence. Following boy bands, posters of the Backstreet Boys, Westlife CDs, listening to the Spice Girls on the radio.

Now “it” seems to begin earlier, with the encouragement of parents and the bombardment of merchandising opportunities through the mass media. Evidenced by the term “Tweens” and Katie Holme’s daughter Suri Cruise walking around in heels as a toddler, it’s not surprising that the designer clothing for children are the norm.

When I was a kid, I wore 3 for $10 Mickey Mouse knock off T-shirts from the Pasar Malam (Night Bazaar).

But that’s another rant for another day…

As I reach 30 at the end of the year, I think to myself, should I really like Tove Lo’s music? Or be taking the effort to go through the billboard top 100 to find songs I actually like? I don’t know why it’s an urge I feel. I want to be one of the Young Folks. Maybe there’s some baggage involved here?

Perhaps all of us who partake in following Pop Culture have some inherent reason why. More so those who are a tad bit older.

Let me give you an example. I recently met up with an acquaintance who is married with two teenage girls. As you can roughly guess, she‘s crossed the half century mark. I’m not being ageist, I don’t think she is “Old” by any standard. She’s feisty, full of life and gorgeous. And got good physique too. But even 50 year old hotties shouldn’t wear “panty shorts”. [OMG! I have to post about “panty shorts” one day..talk about pet peeve!

Let this picture say my thousand words:panty shorts

Ok, so her version was more like a SUPER short, cheerleading skirt with a spaghetti strap tank top? Am I a prude? O.o

But Really! There has to be an age when a woman stops trying so hard to get sexual attention? I mean, young girls-not just that they-have-it, so-flaunt-it –> I feel maybe they don’t know (?) how much guys (and girls) are checking out and oogling at your bared body parts. It took me a while to realise how indecent it was to wear low cut tops. I have one or two pieces I still do wear sometimes, cos I don’t want to throw away my old clothes, and the overall cut is flattering. But then when I wear those tops I feel awful, so very self-conscious.

If you like panty shorts, and you’re 15, fine, ok. (But I’m still trying very hard not to judge your taste in clothing..) But if you’re older, why does it still matter to you to try to be a beautiful flower? I dunno why I always thought women’s external beauty is like that of a flower’s life. It’s scientific purpose is to reproduce, it is beautiful as it is budding and blooms, but it dies ever so quickly, and after that its beauty cannot be recovered. Am I being discriminatory? Sometimes less is more, literally. But personally, most times I think more tasteful is “more”. Being confident enough to show off your body may actually mean you are more insecure inside. Why else would you be craving all that external validation?

*hmmm*

But then on the other hand, interest in pop culture is a bit different. I think it is a matter of intention. Music, popular or not is art after all. If your intention is to keep up with the times, I’m not saying you (or I [am]) are wrong…But, Perhaps there is something deeper in enjoying music for the artistic, the meaning/significance it brings and how it speaks into your life.

It is not so much a self-esteem requirement, but to meet a more spiritual need.

Finally, I just want to say that I think that Pop music can also be meaningful. This is despite being produced by an unknown professional songwriter, sung by a singer who can’t sing, and who is auto-tuned, and who relies on his or her performance gimmicks and scandals in the tabloids for fame.

Is not beauty in the eye of the beholder?

We may never know the songwriter, overshadowed by the fame of the talent-less pop singer, but if the beauty of their music is spread across hearts and inspires as result: -This is why I don’t think indie music is superior to pop.

I am, a LITTLE embarrassed that I like a song or two by Justin Bieber, and that I love Miley Cyrus’ beautiful alto voice, but maybe it’s alright. hehe *blush*AND, I had to write a whole blogpost to feel better about it too! *sheepish look* Really! A shame, but Miley is very talented:

Why the title: swimmingtherip?

What is a rip: “A rip current, commonly referred to simply as a rip, or by the misnomer “rip tide”, is a water current that can be found near beaches. It is strong, localized and is strongest near the surface of the water, and it moves directly away from the shore, cutting through the lines of breaking waves.

The location of rip currents can be unpredictable: while some tend to recur always in the same place, others can appear and disappear suddenly at various locations near the beach.” From Wikipedia

I was looking for an analogy of how it is like to live with the sudden, unpredictable, immense highs of mood of mania..and then: the swift, crashing lows..
The aftermath of being swept away ashore like driftwood.
OR, if one fails to survive:Drowning, drowning, drown. suffocating, swallowed up by the violence of the waves.. swallowing the rushing emotions like water being pushed down every orifice.

The cycles of mania are relentless like the waves. You know it is just a matter of time till they come again. Although I like to lie to myself during a peaceul lull, when all seems well, that maybe I am normal too?
If only I could be like that.

I had recently wanted to believe there was a natural recovery process, after getting a little better. But I realised that the symptoms do not fully go away even with full compliance to medication. The waves always return. It is my coping that must improve to prevent myself from drowning.

I can only learn to reduce the impact of the paranoid thoughts on my mood, and manage my highs.

Having a strong internal Locus of control is so important. I realised I am responsible to control and cope with the impulsivity i feel to do crazy shit during those high moments. I cannot blame my illness for making me like this.

As Joshua 1:9 says:

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So, I chose the title for this little blog, “swimmingtherip”, cos I want to encourage myself to “just keep swimming” like Nemo’ s dad’s slightly demented fish friend Dory.. haha she is cute. But she is silly. Well so am I..
Anyway, hopefully, maybe, Godwilling, I’ll get through this journey somehow?