World: Angelina Jolie files for divorce

I thought that was more, “Life”?

 

 

 

 

Well since this is a blog… Here are some thoughts about this:

When I ask my friends if they read the papers, Many say they get their news from social media or apps. (CNA etc.) But i was just wondering, is “news” (if there was an unadulterated thing as such in the first place) becoming (MOre like) social media. Not that that’s bad… many pros, cons, as in all things.

I guess as one gets older one just gets nostalgic, imagining that things were better before:

[Travel, accept certain inalienable truths]…

..Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old
And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders

Respect your elders, don’t expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse
But you’ll never know when either one will run out

This civilisation is definitely going to end in an August, soon, and in the most phenomenonally bad way.
If globalisation has such an inhumane effect on international integrity, the current global culture… its gonna be the crusades and Genghis Khan again, but with technological/chemical consequences. I wish modernity would stop. I know this is all the engatives, but the positive efforts are so small that they would never be able to come close to even plastering our human destruction.
(I really don’t specifically know history…) but i do know that mankind has been “sick” since the beginning. (e.g. pederasty)
From the lazy student’s guide, Wikipedia:
“The ancient Greeks did not conceive of sexual orientation as a social identifier as modern Western societies have done. Greek society did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants, but rather by the role that each participant played in the sex act, that of active penetrator or passive penetrate. This active/passive polarization corresponded with dominant and submissive social roles: the active (penetrative) role was associated with masculinity, higher social status, and adulthood, while the passive role was associated with femininity, lower social status, and youth.”
What is morality anyway? What is wrong with rejecting “The Other” (as manifested in nationalism/white man’s burden/Nazis?…Islamophobia, Hating Evangelicals)
  1. it could be a manifestation of identification / autonomising /strengthening self (indiv/a collective group)
    1. Without the formative identification of “the other”, we would not be functional? judgement(criticalness) pulled to an extreme is perceiving, and perhaps evolutionarily it was to perceive and identify threats. —> is the other my mother (love attachment) or a bad man who is going to distract you and take your pencilbox.
    2. an indicator of seeing things in a way, the same way pain is an indicator/warning of something needs to be done to protect the self.
  2. it could also just be maladapative coping with fears, needs (jobs/security)

 

OKAY time to sleep. black and white, which leads to making too many connections(jumping into conlcusions/assumptions)

Please let me sleep God.

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This is going to be bad

because

-i havent slept

-i have been sleeping between 4-5 am the past few days while going for CNY reunion/visiting

e.g.the day before, i came back after dinner (i don’t have mental capacity to remember where now), but it was about 10 plus and started cleaning the kitchen and dining rooms. I folded at least 1000 plastic bags and catergorised them into small/medium and large and also created a proper recycling area, took the big bag A3 size bag of koped coffee/tea/ketchup/chilli/wasabi/soy sauce/unwantedinstantnoodles/creamer/sugar(all dumped-into that bag) took out one by one, checked expiry dates to chuck and labelled and categorised each item again. then i swept floor, wiped table and if u have come to my house u know how messy our tables are, i cleared them all and wiped and scrubbed off stains and then mopped floor twice but still a bit sticky so tried hand wiping and scrubbing floor but then it was 430am and my mom woke up and said “aiyo, darling, no need la, u need to sleep.”

two days before i did the same for the backyard.am i going crazy?

HELP.

And yesterday night i worked out for about 45 minutes, did 25 minutes on the elliptical machine and 20 mins of youtube burn 200 kcal in 20 mins. (magical socks!) cos know will eat a lot.

then fell asleep on the couch at about 1230am and woke up at 4+5 am. fuck la.

WHAY AM I DOING THIS AGAGIN?????????????

I HAVE CROSSED OVER,

into,

THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

A Beautiful Start to a Day…..

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Under the bridge

A beautiful morning it was. I was headed out early to buy breakfast/lunch for my parents and myself. Managed to catch the sunlight while crossing Under the Adam Flyover to Adam Road Hawker Centre, while this young family was probably heading to school and work..

I was waiting for the famous nasi lemak stall to open since I was early.. I was there at 7:30am? 7:40? So I was just watching the scene there. Even at the Hawker Centre they had made an effort to decorate for Chinese new year.. I was taking a picture of the Ong Lai or pineapples and the Shiny stuff hanging around when my screen caught this uncle clearing up.

Singapore is prided to be a clean city.. But after the Trash souvenirs left at 2015’s Laneway Festival, which even PM Lee felt ‘incensed’ about, comparing that to Myannmar soccer fans picking up litter after a game at the National Stadium… Singapore, he said, needed to move from being a “cleaned city”, to a “clean city”.

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Singapore - Clean-ed City

Who do u expect to pick up after you? This man? At food courts, Hawker Centres or is Ronald McDonald gonna clear your tray? Why have Singaporeans come to expect that our dirty dishes will be taken away for us and worse still…those tables with used cutlery, which we want to sit at, we not only don’t clear – but simply transfer to an adjacent table, so that we can have a clean table in front of us!

Do we really need an ineffective government campaign to pursue a sense of responsibility? Is it not as logical as wiping one’s own ar$e after a poop? Sorry for the rant… It started out a beautiful day….but some one forgot to clear their tray!

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Is he gonna clean up? 😛

the age of pop culture

When should one stop following “trying to keep up with the times”?? Some people manage to avoid it altogether. But for most of us, at least for my generation, it began in adolescence. Following boy bands, posters of the Backstreet Boys, Westlife CDs, listening to the Spice Girls on the radio.

Now “it” seems to begin earlier, with the encouragement of parents and the bombardment of merchandising opportunities through the mass media. Evidenced by the term “Tweens” and Katie Holme’s daughter Suri Cruise walking around in heels as a toddler, it’s not surprising that the designer clothing for children are the norm.

When I was a kid, I wore 3 for $10 Mickey Mouse knock off T-shirts from the Pasar Malam (Night Bazaar).

But that’s another rant for another day…

As I reach 30 at the end of the year, I think to myself, should I really like Tove Lo’s music? Or be taking the effort to go through the billboard top 100 to find songs I actually like? I don’t know why it’s an urge I feel. I want to be one of the Young Folks. Maybe there’s some baggage involved here?

Perhaps all of us who partake in following Pop Culture have some inherent reason why. More so those who are a tad bit older.

Let me give you an example. I recently met up with an acquaintance who is married with two teenage girls. As you can roughly guess, she‘s crossed the half century mark. I’m not being ageist, I don’t think she is “Old” by any standard. She’s feisty, full of life and gorgeous. And got good physique too. But even 50 year old hotties shouldn’t wear “panty shorts”. [OMG! I have to post about “panty shorts” one day..talk about pet peeve!

Let this picture say my thousand words:panty shorts

Ok, so her version was more like a SUPER short, cheerleading skirt with a spaghetti strap tank top? Am I a prude? O.o

But Really! There has to be an age when a woman stops trying so hard to get sexual attention? I mean, young girls-not just that they-have-it, so-flaunt-it –> I feel maybe they don’t know (?) how much guys (and girls) are checking out and oogling at your bared body parts. It took me a while to realise how indecent it was to wear low cut tops. I have one or two pieces I still do wear sometimes, cos I don’t want to throw away my old clothes, and the overall cut is flattering. But then when I wear those tops I feel awful, so very self-conscious.

If you like panty shorts, and you’re 15, fine, ok. (But I’m still trying very hard not to judge your taste in clothing..) But if you’re older, why does it still matter to you to try to be a beautiful flower? I dunno why I always thought women’s external beauty is like that of a flower’s life. It’s scientific purpose is to reproduce, it is beautiful as it is budding and blooms, but it dies ever so quickly, and after that its beauty cannot be recovered. Am I being discriminatory? Sometimes less is more, literally. But personally, most times I think more tasteful is “more”. Being confident enough to show off your body may actually mean you are more insecure inside. Why else would you be craving all that external validation?

*hmmm*

But then on the other hand, interest in pop culture is a bit different. I think it is a matter of intention. Music, popular or not is art after all. If your intention is to keep up with the times, I’m not saying you (or I [am]) are wrong…But, Perhaps there is something deeper in enjoying music for the artistic, the meaning/significance it brings and how it speaks into your life.

It is not so much a self-esteem requirement, but to meet a more spiritual need.

Finally, I just want to say that I think that Pop music can also be meaningful. This is despite being produced by an unknown professional songwriter, sung by a singer who can’t sing, and who is auto-tuned, and who relies on his or her performance gimmicks and scandals in the tabloids for fame.

Is not beauty in the eye of the beholder?

We may never know the songwriter, overshadowed by the fame of the talent-less pop singer, but if the beauty of their music is spread across hearts and inspires as result: -This is why I don’t think indie music is superior to pop.

I am, a LITTLE embarrassed that I like a song or two by Justin Bieber, and that I love Miley Cyrus’ beautiful alto voice, but maybe it’s alright. hehe *blush*AND, I had to write a whole blogpost to feel better about it too! *sheepish look* Really! A shame, but Miley is very talented:

Why the title: swimmingtherip?

What is a rip: “A rip current, commonly referred to simply as a rip, or by the misnomer “rip tide”, is a water current that can be found near beaches. It is strong, localized and is strongest near the surface of the water, and it moves directly away from the shore, cutting through the lines of breaking waves.

The location of rip currents can be unpredictable: while some tend to recur always in the same place, others can appear and disappear suddenly at various locations near the beach.” From Wikipedia

I was looking for an analogy of how it is like to live with the sudden, unpredictable, immense highs of mood of mania..and then: the swift, crashing lows..
The aftermath of being swept away ashore like driftwood.
OR, if one fails to survive:Drowning, drowning, drown. suffocating, swallowed up by the violence of the waves.. swallowing the rushing emotions like water being pushed down every orifice.

The cycles of mania are relentless like the waves. You know it is just a matter of time till they come again. Although I like to lie to myself during a peaceul lull, when all seems well, that maybe I am normal too?
If only I could be like that.

I had recently wanted to believe there was a natural recovery process, after getting a little better. But I realised that the symptoms do not fully go away even with full compliance to medication. The waves always return. It is my coping that must improve to prevent myself from drowning.

I can only learn to reduce the impact of the paranoid thoughts on my mood, and manage my highs.

Having a strong internal Locus of control is so important. I realised I am responsible to control and cope with the impulsivity i feel to do crazy shit during those high moments. I cannot blame my illness for making me like this.

As Joshua 1:9 says:

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So, I chose the title for this little blog, “swimmingtherip”, cos I want to encourage myself to “just keep swimming” like Nemo’ s dad’s slightly demented fish friend Dory.. haha she is cute. But she is silly. Well so am I..
Anyway, hopefully, maybe, Godwilling, I’ll get through this journey somehow?

The Wandering Insomniac Returns v.1.1.2016

I recently made a friend, also a peer, who told me that at the height of her illness, she used to sneak out of the house in the ungodly hours of the morning and she would always somehow gravitate to a heartland that reminded her of her growing up years. She would reminiscence of her childhood friend whom she used to play with in that neighbourhood, which she was so attached to that it literally drew her back, “awake-walking” – when she should have been sleeping.

Tonight or this morning, I have taken a trip to little India to seek out a cheap mobile phone. Why? The urge and impulse and the persistent restlessness in my soul was just so? I don’t know??! Wha was it thinking taking a cab with all my liquid cash at 3am to Mustafa Centre?

Well, there is a back story.. my iPhone 6, which my brother bought for me when I recontracted and which I dutifully paid for when I had enough cash, disappeared one morning… also after I had been having insomnia. It had clearly been next to my pillow. And the whole household was frantically mobilized in a top to bottom search. Strangely enough, my father didnt seem too concerned, but told me to get a new SIM card quickly.

It was only when this disappearing incident was repeated on another object in the house, announced by my father.. and then a replacement made by him.. and then when my mother could not use the replacement..  the object mysteriously was found by, again my father.. who said, “lucky I found it! The bangla must have climbed in the gate and took it when the door was unlocked!”..(sorry long sentence) THAT IT DAWNED on us, what had happened to my phone.

But as a person who suffers from paranoia, I couldnt complain… e.g. a schizophrenic telling his shrink that people are talking about him.. WHEN they REALLY are. Just that, in my case.. I am not the only psycho in the house. My brother tried to ask him about it but he was extremely defensive and almost bombed.. well.

Now I am using a 3G phone yes that was ok three years ago..but it constantly hangs wheb I open large apps or have more than 3 apps open. And it has been getting progressively worse. I had been happy at first.. downgrading. I was impressed by three year old samsung’s frontline basic smartphone. I even managed to upgrade to jellybean from pathetic gingerbread.  Wow cmon have a break have a kit kat! (Sorry I blame lack of sleep).

But it isnt the phone but that apps now are built for faster, heavier duty phones. Minimum for a mainstream app is 10MB. Without a huge micro SD u are dying on your first day of downloading “basic” and “necessary” apps.

I guess I should go and live in the kampung. And go off the internet altogether and see how I do without these luxuries… but seriously I dunno why I get so carried away and am unable to stop concentrating once I am tring to get any type of technology working that isnt. for example back when miss noob was trying to jail break her brand new first gen ipod touch. A sleepness night there.

I think it could be the complusiveness in my personality. This need to achieve the goal I set out to do. Added to the mood of impulse and a restless high. DANGER! !! CRAZYYY SLEEPLESS ZOMBIE OUT ON THE LOOSE!!

OK I think I have ranted enough and I am also safely at my destination:

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No, I am just a visitor today.

Thank God for preserving me.